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In the beginning God created the DP.
God saw the DP and said he was good.
The DP saw God and said: “Turn your head, I’d rather have it back-lit.”
God said:”But I am God!”
The DP said:”I don’t care who you are. Front-lighting is no good.”
And God turned his head.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted?
Recently, at a meeting of the camera section of the BECTU, one DP told me the following story:
He was shooting a film with an Italian director in Australia. One day this director came up and asked him “Shoot-a se lens cap-e” (to be read with an Italian accent.)
Our DP thought this to be slightly odd, but then realized that Italian directors might just be that: Odd. So he put the cap onto the lens and rolled 5 feet. He then thought “That can’t be what he’s looking for”. So he got the grip to put a little stand a few inches away from the camera, put the lens cap on top of it and asked the gaffer to put up a light. Once he had rolled another couple of feet, the director walked on set and asked “What-e are you doing-e? I sought-e you were shooting-e se lens cap-e” to which the DP replied “I just did shot the lens cap.”
After he had settled down, the director explained: “The landscap-e, not the lens cap!”
Martin Weiss
The silliest thing I ever saw was when a military captain in Ghana demanded to inspect our exposed film to see if his picture was on it. We discreetly exchanged a short end for the exposed stock. Needless to say, he didn’t get to see himself and we didn’t open our exposed footage.
The story actually goes further when the captain can’t see his image on the unexposed negative and he gets suspicious and wants to haul us down to the station. On route we encounter his superior who overrides the captain and returns us to our location. Well, it turns out that the new soldier just wants to be in the film. So he watches us and every time we roll he steps uninvited in front of the camera and addresses the audience on his love of cinema and American culture. He was so intrusive yet he saved us from an uncertain mess that we appeased him by faking a scene for him to be in while he went off on his pontifications. At least we didn’t get arrested!
Jim
What’s the difference between God and a DP? more…
In the beginning God created the DP.
God saw the DP and said he was good.
The DP saw God and said: “Turn your head, I´d rather have it back-lit.”
God said:”But I am God!”
The DP said:”I don’t care who you are. Front-lighting is no good.”
And God turned his head.
During a shot or a rehearsal (I can’t remember) I called out “boom” when the mic dipped into frame, only to have my dolly grip suddenly boom the dolly arm up, practically grinding my head into the low ceiling… On another show, I had the camera armed out over a pool table, and the dolly grip (not looking as he was trying to move the dolly) boomed the camera down into the expensive tabletop and crushed the assistant’s front box (which the production tried to refuse to replace). Ahh, the joys of low budget film making…
David Mullen
Dear Ann Landers,
I am a freelance spark. My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to an Australian.
My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.
I was operating a shot a few weeks ago, where the Director was directing a child actress while we were shooting (it was MOS). We were in a hurry to finish the coverage on this scene. He was telling the actress what to do while we were rolling — “directing on film”. The shot was of her cutting and pasting a picture on top of a dollar bill, and doing other sorts of “graphic design” stuff. Here’s how the direction went: more…
One day while filming outside in a park, we were all ready to roll. I had the shot lined up, the actors were in place, composition was nice. Except the sun wasn’t where I wanted it to be. I knew that moving the camera and resetting the shot would just take too much time. So I leaned over, and asked my gaffer if I could borrow his gloves, as I had left mine home. more…
